Rewards and . . .
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Remember reading in a women's magazine one of those diet plans, or some self–help idea where it says “And when you finally reach your goal, reward yourself. You deserve it!”
So you work out your plan and your goal and your reward. All excited and full of energy you start the New Day – and what happens?
- You quit after 3 days - and now feel guilty.
- Just before the magic goal – it fizzled because
- someone got sick,
- a financial emergency
- you got fed up
- You work the plan, reach the goal and then . . . well . . .
- someone got sick,
- a financial emergency
- you got fed up
The point being the reward never happened, sort of. But that feel good feeling – didn't’t.
C(ake) I(ce cream) C(hocolate)
Did you ever ask yourself why so many women end up “rewarding” themselves with Cake, Ice Cream, or Chocolate?
C(ake) I(ce cream) C(hocolate) = Kick
And Kicks which equals Fat is no sort of Reward for hard efforts, are they?
My Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines reward:
reward
n 1. something that is given in return for good or evil done or received and esp. that is offered or given for some service or attainment.
Sounds about right doesn't it. But let's look a bit more.
reward
[from Middle English rewarden from Old North French rewarder to regard, to reward, from re + warder to watch, guard ]
Well, this seems odd doesn't it. Did you ever think that reward had anything to do with guards (the cops)?
What I see are two separate problems. Well, I think they are separate, but maybe they aren't.
Are You Good or Evil?
Well, if you look at that first definition – look at the "good or evil" part. Most people have almost as much problems getting complements as they do with insults. Think about that one. I think because most people see themselves sort of falling into a gray place in the middle, but definitely not at either end. How may times have you heard "Well, I'm no saint . . ." But who thinks of themselves as evil?
So: Problem Number One: Most times we don't really believe we deserve that “reward”
If we look at the second definition the funny (odd) thing that comes up is that somebody is watching – again. That's the "re" part.
Look Out for the Cops
The question is WHO is doing the watching? This is really interesting because who ever it is, is doing it "again." And that person has to be part of a structure or rules or laws (the cops part). And there probably needs to be a change that can be measured. Remember Rulers (kings) control Rules ( tools of measurement).
So: Problem Number Two: Someone to measure a change and take a second look.
Personally I think this is the biggest part of the problem.
It is so difficult to see any changes about ourselves. Even when we loose huge amounts of weight and are able to wear clothes that are totally different – we feel the same inside.
This is a good thing. It means you will remain you for the rest of your life, no matter what happens! Sometimes one part of you might show more than another but that doesn't change what is really there. And no one can ever take that away from you – ever.
But it also means that it is almost impossible for anyone to really “see” any changes in themselves.
The Guard in the Tower
Which I think is the real problem with Problem Number Two. We are not the “guard” standing at the Tower Gate who sees the changing dawn – it really needs to be some one else. At the Olympics, those strong healthy athletes don't pick up the medals themselves. Somebody else places the medals over their head at a special ceremony.
You can use the support of friends, or family to make awareness of this need work. It often means that you have to tell them, and then clearly connect the dots by explaining exactly what you want them to do. Women friends and/or sister will generally understand.
Husbands generally have to be lead by the hand through this. You can try something like preparing a closed envelope that you will drop in his lap when you have reached you goal saying "Surprise me with a new set of ear-rings" or "Surprise me by taking me out to Fancy's Restaurant."
But what if for some reason you don't have someone to “reward” you. What do you do then?
There is another word we can use, though we don't much.
Celebrate
n 1 : to perform (a sacrament or solemn ceremony) publicly and with appropriate rites 2. a : to honor ( as a holiday) by solemn ceremonies or by refraining from ordinary business b: to demonstrate satisfaction in (as an anniversary) by festivities or other deviation from routine.
A Second Look at Landmarks
This teaches us that when we reach a landmark in our lives, and reaching any goal should be a landmark, that it is a time for (back to the guards) taking a second look.
Every change in our lives is important.
Remember that first day in school? I remember my eldest daughter's first day. After I dropped her off and waived good-bye I spent the rest of the morning crying. There was no way I could protect her from teachers, classmates or the bully in third grade. From that day forward I was only a part, however large, but never again the center of her life. And I loved her so much.
I spent that morning alone with my grief and fears for her, and that is such a pity.
Today she is still the lovely gracious person that was so evident then. As a wife, mother, friend and school-teacher she has reached out and enriched the people and the children around her so much.
That day should have been a day celebration and not grief. It should have been made public, and with pride, no less that the day she graduated with her teaching degree in her hand.
The Celebration
So when you reach your next goal, don't plan a reward. Plan a celebration. It should be:
- Public – if only for yourself
- Solemn to emphasize the importance of the landmark Change in you
- Meaningful to You. What do you believe the real Winners do?
You could treat yourself to a dinner alone at the fanciest restaurant you can afford Get dressed up special and go with the same attitude of a Star walking into a Hollywood Spot intending to be Seen.
Or you could just buy a tee-shirt that says, “I am a Winner,” and wear it with the same pride as a Samurai while you take the day off with a planned retreat at a near-by natural setting to refresh your soul.
If you live in the Big City, take an elevator to the top of the tallest building, go out on the balcony, and find a quite spot to stand, click your heels together three times and with each click of your heels say “I DID IT!"
When you believe in yourself You really are a Winner.